I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
did you just send me my own nude
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
