then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
