Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
