Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They should really pass out barf bags in church
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
