foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So squirting runs in the family.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
