Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
