Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
