nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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