Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize