I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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