Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
