; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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