i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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