i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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