Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
