I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
