The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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