I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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