bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
