Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
