I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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