Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
