shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
