Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
