It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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