The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
