I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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