Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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