I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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