i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
