no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
