Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
