I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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