I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
