That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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