You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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