I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
