Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
