not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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