So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
