So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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