Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ugly people sure do ruin things
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
