i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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