She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
