my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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