i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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