just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
