did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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