This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Randomize