i just had sex bonerless
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
